angle 1)
Did it really happen? Did Marisa really get cancer? Did She really die? Isn’t She just coming back? Is She really, really dead? On December 6 did I really have to come home to a 5,3 and 1 year old to tell them that their Mom died? Did I really take that understandable punch in the face from Zion? Is it possible that I am able to shepherd three children by myself? Is this a joke? Is this a nightmare? Do I really go to sleep every night by myself?
Angle 2)
Did I really marry an angel that produced three more? Did Jacoba really say to me that she is going to be a joker when she grows up? Did Zion really eat his vegetables at someone else’s house without a big drama? Did Zekijah really call my name, my name, from her crib to comfort her? Do I really get to beam with pride when someone asks the girls who did their hair?
At the end of the day, life is beautiful or ugly. It depends from what angle you look. Sometimes I have those frightening, crazy ‘how did I get here’ moments but those are fairly easily redirected when I look at the kids and our situation from another angle.
Last night before the kids went to bed, we all sat in Zion’s bed and read a great book “What Dad’s can’t do” (It’s not what you might think, it sings the goodness of fathers). After the book was done, all three kids were lying on my chest and we sang a song. In four part harmony. Not neccesarily the clean Ionian mode that many of us are familiar with, but still harmony.
After the song, we had a group hug and I was shown something from the angle I was seeing,
My whole world fits in my arms.

37 comments
Comments feed for this article
May 22, 2008 at 7:28 am
Mem Hoekstra
This pictorial symbolism…..priceless, my dear Mendelt.
May 22, 2008 at 7:36 am
sherri
Mendelt
Wow. Your post is just another example of how you can truly touch people with your experience and loss. What a wonderful moment with your children. It truly made me sad and happy at the same time. They do not have their mother but they do have a wonderful Dad.
Sherri deGraaf
May 22, 2008 at 8:51 am
R&G
Hi Mendelt! I am not in your shoes, but after reading your latest blog-I couldn’t help but shed tears and real-ly feel for you. With all that you and Marisa went thru, and with Marisa passing away………how do you deal/cope with all this? I hope/pray that you do not put yourself down when going thru difficult times. May God be your source of comfort, strength, hope. Again may your be reminded that with all that you are going through, you are such a special/lovable dad. Goes to show with all that you do for your children. Being a great dad, coach, reading stories, singing songs, group hugs………..(the list goes on) but God has blest (still is)your children with you. Pray that God will help you through each day! Love and prayers R&G
May 22, 2008 at 9:21 am
Kim Mantel-Schat
Kids are amazing! They fit in your arms, but can make your heart feel like it’s going to burst at the seams. Thanks for sharing your perspective. I don’t live with your suffering, but I certainly need to learn to see things from a different angle once and a while.
I love that Jacoba is going to be a Joker when she grows up. One of my sons used to tell us that he was going to be a statue when he grew up!
May 22, 2008 at 9:39 am
Mary Lou K.
I would have never wanted to lose my mom as your kids have but I truly wish I could have grown up with a dad as wise and loving and kind as you. I’m almost 42 years old and your children are so blessed to have a dad like you. Your blog constantly inspires my heart. Your words grip me with their truth. The truth hurts in your world so much but you always manage to find the joy that remains – the profound joy that is always before you in your children and remains as a gift from Marisa. Thank you for sharing – I needed these words today.
Mary Lou
May 22, 2008 at 10:44 am
Susanne
Mendelt, you are a beautiful creation.
Thank you for all the “windows” you open to your life so that we can share in it.
I love the last line of this post.
I can just picture you all singing together on Zion’s bed.
I am encouraged and reminded to look at my life from different angles too.
Peace of Christ to you and the three angels,
Susanne
May 22, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Julie Vos
Mendelt, that was absolutely beautiful! I praise God for your perspective as well as the wonderful world that fits in your arms!
I am still thinking about you and praying for you! It’s great to read how God is at work in your life and in the lives of your children. He is holding on tight and He is not about to let go! May you continue to source true strength and hope from our Lord, Jesus Christ! His angle is a wonderful angle!
Thank you for continuing to share with us, Mendelt!
Love, Julie
May 22, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Janis
beautiful Mendelt….wow…..
praying for continued healing.
May 22, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Yvonne and Terry Veldboom
Hi Mendelt, your whole world may fit in you arms, but imagine an even greater joy knowing God has all of us in His.
Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted.
With love and prayers, Yvonne and Terry and girls
May 22, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Lisa
thankyou Mendelt for your honesty, this is something i really needed to hear today, thanks
May 22, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Astraea
Beautiful…
May 22, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Tine Buma
Dear Mendelt,
I don’t know what to say…but what you have written is beautiful.
Tine
May 22, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Laura
So many of your posts are so moving that I often can’t comment. Even right now, I can’t, except to tell you that I can’t.
May 22, 2008 at 8:17 pm
Linda Smith
Still love your comments. I know I don’t check the blog as often as I used to but then I notice that you don’t seem to write as often either. Anyway I don’t go too long without checking back in and you continue to bring a smile and sometimes a tear to my eye. Keep up the good work!
May 22, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Leanne Vanderkolk
What beautiful words……..
May 22, 2008 at 9:56 pm
Ann @ Holy Experience
Reframing and angles.
Therein lies the difference.
That makes all the difference.
Privileged to be taught how to live in this place…
All’s grace,
Ann
May 23, 2008 at 8:01 am
lore
This is beautiful. Thank you for the reminder to be looking.
May 23, 2008 at 8:46 am
Samantha Aantjes
angles are great things
even if i strongly dislike math
thank you for opening my eyes, your faith and immense strength remind me of better days
thank you for being such an inspiration
Sam
May 23, 2008 at 9:11 am
Lisa
Amen.
Beautifully said Mendelt.
May 23, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Lyric
“At the end of the day, life is beautiful or ugly.”
Simply profound. Simple truth.
Dear Lord, please…help me maintain the beauty of each day as You have given it. May the eyes of my heart be angled in YOUR direction, may I see the angels surround me.
Thank you for this real-life, real-time journey of faith.
May 23, 2008 at 11:03 pm
April
This is so beautiful. Such an extraordinary witness. Thank you.
May 24, 2008 at 6:20 am
Chris
It is soooo easy to focus on the painful stuff, and overlook the joy inthe little things-praise God when He shows you that little things are really what make up our days and fill our hearts with joy!
Blessings
Chris
May 24, 2008 at 8:37 am
heartathome
“At the end of the day, life is beautiful or ugly. It depends from what angle you look. ” Wow!!! Profound words dripping with the quenchable waters of Abba Father! Thank you for being a vessel!
May 24, 2008 at 3:57 pm
jen riebot
beautifully written.
peace and love,
Jen.
May 24, 2008 at 4:06 pm
mendelt en willy
Dear Mendelt, dear kids,
We wish both angels will help you all to feel ” in balance” for this moment.
Dear greetings and …
we wish you all a lot off ’summer”-feelings.
Mendelt and Willy.
May 24, 2008 at 7:27 pm
JoAnna
May God bless you, dear one… we’ll hold you in prayer!
May 24, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Nancy McKinley-Diakiw
All I can say again and again Mendelt, is thank you for blessing me with your writings here on this blog/book. They are so beautiful. The spiritual wisdom God is giving you is wonderful to witness through your words. God has such a plan for even the most painful of times. Your kids are going to be so blessed when they read this book you are making in honor of Marisa. What a testimony to the power of Jesus.
Nancy
May 25, 2008 at 10:57 am
Lisa
Your doubts of what once was are so very normal and thoughts that so many of us grapple with as we dance the dance of grief. I love this quote that helps me to put it into perspective…looking at it at a different angle…
“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” ~Kahlil Gibran
Your moments with your children are so touching and heartwarming. You are an amazing Daddy and doing a wonderful job. I know so many are proud of you even when it feels so difficult.
I hope you take comfort in the thought that as the world that is held in your arms changes and blooms, the grief, while never fully going away, will take on a softer hue. Your children are blessed to have you.
May 25, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Skip
Now that’s a beautiful blog entry.
Thanks for that.
May 25, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Dan VandenAkker
Mendelt,
I could use some lesson’s on doing girls hair. When Danielle goes away for a weekend even getting a couple of beret’s, or a hair band into my girl’s hair is a chore. Once I got a pony tail in Madison’s hair that lasted for a couple of hours, but it eventually fell out on its own. Oh well I guess I’ll stick with the hair bands and hats.
Dan.
May 25, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Kate Eliza
you are an amazing human being who never fails to make me realize what truly matters in life (and cry for that matter
. thank you for continuing to blog and for reminding us what life is really about.
May 25, 2008 at 11:10 pm
Dee
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Mendelt))))))))))))))))))))))))
It is awesome that you are such (and were such) an involved Dad. You’re sweeties will always remember your involvement and it will imact them in a positive way. I see the light of God shine through you Mendelt. You lost a huge part of you and you will forever be changed by the Love and life you shared with Marisa. Keep on keeping on. Dee
Forcast: The Son Will Shine Forever
May 27, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Andrea O'Neill (Clark)
That was amazing.
Andrea
May 29, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Roads
Interesting post, although I think you’re just a little guilty of making it too easy for your readers, Mendelt.
Naturally enough, they jump to #2 because it’s easier to bear, it’s more comfortable and it’s always good to see the upside in life. Phew. That’s lucky.
But please don’t anyone forget that first angle exists, too. Not even for one guiltily eye-averting moment.
Spirits up.
May 29, 2008 at 11:11 pm
Robyn L.
And what a HUGE world it is!! Holy Smokes!! And I bet that harmony was delivered right to Marisa’s hears…..And a sweet song it was!
Mendelt, I believe that you are gifted in angles!! IN the ability to see those angles, and I looove that you share them. Since I’ve met you, you’ve stood out for me, b/c you see those angles, and share them. I pray that the three of you have more beautiful days, and the uglies are less and less, and are doorways to more beautiful ones!
May 30, 2008 at 5:59 am
Roads
Oh yes, those ‘how did I get here moments…’ – great David Byrne quote there, too.
June 3, 2008 at 8:25 am
Samantha
amen…