It was two years ago today that Marisa walked into our door with those surprising and dreaded words…
“I have cancer”.
I don’t remember much about that day. I remember calling my parents and asking them to take the kids. My dad dropped what he was doing and drove here. It is a 10 minute ride. He was here in 7 minutes. And I remember being with Marisa. Being loud. And being quiet.
As I write this, I am looking at the spot where she stood.
Strange to be looking at that spot and remembering where she stood, what she said and what she looked like then.
And as I look at that spot, there is nothing there. It is gone. Like Marisa.
Two years. Seems like a long time. Seems like yesterday.
I am a different person now then 2 years ago. There is a new Mendelt.
It isn’t a shiny, polished, cherry flavoured, new-and-improved Mendelt.
It is a weathered, experienced, stretched, torn, reshaped, somehow more content, peace seeking, suffered and deeper Mendelt.
And in many ways it feels like the old Mendelt knew much more than this new version.
MdH
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December 21, 2008 at 7:56 am
Lore
I wrote about that recently—feeling less wise as time passes, and not more. This strange conundrum of time and growth. I think God does it on purpose, something about the foolishness of God is better than all our wisdom put together. It’s still a blow to all that we think we know though.
December 21, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Rachel Thibault
Hi Mendelt
You are often in my prayers and thoughts. I just can’t imagine raising a young family on my own. But then, we are surrounded “by so great a cloud of witnesses!”
Thank you for your blog. It is a grounding reminder of our frailty.
Thank you Mendelt.
Your sister in Christ
Rachel Thibault, Grimsby ON
December 21, 2008 at 6:00 pm
shell
Reading only the first few sentences brings tears to my eyes. Your words make me feel angry, sad and scared, very scared. Cancer hurts so many. I remember my father telling me that he had cancer. I remember where he sat. I remember I did not sit. I sensed bad news. I remember him telling us and me running up to my room. I remember him following me. I wanted to be alone. Being alone might have made it not real. I hate cancer!
December 21, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Al and Sherra
Just wanted to let you know that you continue to be in our thoughts and prayers. Wish we could drop by for a chat!
December 22, 2008 at 5:41 am
Roads
I’m so sorry, Mendelt. I wasn’t certain, but checked just now and I see that Jenny was diagnosed on 22nd December. Thirteen years ago today.
In truth, we had suspected that diagnosis for some little time. And we lived with it even longer, however brief the time that we had left to share.
Days like those you simply don’t forget. Spirits up.
December 22, 2008 at 3:54 pm
JPV
Just reading it takes my breath away. You have lived it.
December 23, 2008 at 11:06 am
R&G
You have gone thru so much in different ways-especially within the last 2 years! I do not know what to say other than………I am really sad and pray that God is there to comfort in everyway with strength and hope for YOU and you beautiful family!R&G