So here we go. Our first Christmas “without” Marisa.
Make no mistake about it. It sucks. It hurts.
Not the getting of cards that say “Mendelt, Zion, Jacoba and Zekijah”, but that they have to say that.
Setting the table for 4 instead of 5.
Returning Marisa’s present.
Sleeping in our bed.
That salvation, grace and eternal life mean very little to a five year old when his Mom isn’t coming back.
But the hurt eases when I think of how proud I am of Marisa.
And the hurt eases when we celebrate that Jesus came as a baby for people like Marisa. And the hurt eases because shoots come from stumps. And the stump that we are living right now is bound to grow a shoot. That is the promise that Zion, Jacoba, Zekijah and I have.
(see, it sucks that it’s only the 4 of us)
My eternal thanks for being a part of this ride. I wish you a blessed Christmas.
MdH
Life 
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December 24, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Mark & Laura Bassie
Mendelt I can only imagine how much it “sucks” and even imagining wouldn’t come close to knowing how you are really feeling and what you go thru every day. Praying for God to give you courage to face each day and keep on living for Him.
Pastor Andrew’s message last night was so moving. Like he said — yet in the midst of these ashes there is HOPE. Hope because shoots come from stumps. New life comes from death. Marisa has new life — the forever life with Christ. I can picture her. This Christmas she’s singing with the angels, playing the heavenly piano . . . constantly in a state of worshipping her Lord without distraction. No more tears, heartache, frustration, sickness, pain — only pure joy and praise. I hope I don’t offend anyone by saying that I’m envious. This life here is quite cruel at times. A few posts ago you said you were praying for the Lord’s return . . . . Mmmm.. . . Yes, come quickly Lord Jesus!
All that being said and even though Marisa is not here physically, I still see and hear her. I saw her yesterday. Zion and Jacoba were here and they brought their Mom. She’s in their eyes, in their laughter, in their speech and actions. So beautiful. . . . . I know her name does not appear in the Christmas cards you receive and there may not be a plate set out for her, but as you know Mendelt she’s present in you and in your precious children.
I pray God will show you that new shoot this Christmas . . . .
Thank you for allowing us to “ride” with you.
A Blessed Christmas
Much love & prayers,
Laura
December 24, 2007 at 2:04 pm
sherri de Graaf
Mendelt
I wanted to share this little story with you about a man I know who suddenly lost his wife of more than 40 years this spring. They had just celebrated his birthday with a big party his wife had held for him. After they were sitting in their garden, reflecting on the day when she had a heart attack and was gone. A few weeks later he was sitting in his garden and a butterfly landed on his chest. He sat very still and couldn’t move. It had stayed with him for about 5 minutes. You see his wife had always loved butterflies and she always thought that they were magical and that when she saw one that it was the spirit of her brother who had passed coming by to tell her that he was okay. He asked me if I thought he was being crazy to think that this was his wife’s way of telling him everything was okay. I said I thought it was a wonderful story and that if it brought him comfort that was not crazy. I have always thought that the butterfly was aside from being beautiful and delicate very strong in that they are able to fly great distances through wind and such. I don’t think that I will look at one the same again. Cheers to butterflies and new shouts. Have the best Christmas that you can with your family. Peace and much love.
Sherri
December 24, 2007 at 2:37 pm
Kim Mantel-Schat
I can only imagine how hard it is to pass this season of family celebration with your family’s loss so fresh.
Thank you for sharing your faith in the midst of your suffering.
Peace to you and your children and to all who miss Marisa’s presence during this Christmas time,
Kim
December 24, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Margie
Dear Mendelt, What an awesome man of God you are to go through such a difficult thing, with such grace and understanding, that can only come from the Lord Himself in you! You probably have NO idea how you are blessing, encouraging, strengthening and inspiring so many people through this most difficult time in your life! May the Lord continue to bless you and keep you. Marisa had nothing to worry about with the concerns of her children. They are blessed with the most wonderful father and man of God and they will be well taken care of, I’m sure! God bless you this Christmas. May He make His light to shine upon you through this holiday and through all the days ahead. And, may you be encouraged knowing that He is with you all of the way. Marisa is rejoicing with our Lord in beauty that we cannot even imagine and may that give your heart peace. Take care. Know that you and your little ones are prayed for daily by MANY!! A dedicated prayer partner.
December 24, 2007 at 2:53 pm
joy
First off, I wanted to say that we have not stopped thinking and praying for you. I just look at my kids, all the same age, and am reminded to pray. Thankyou for continuing to share with us so we know how to pray.
I remember almost a year ago being at a loss for words and not wanting to write for saying the wrong thing… but you encouraged us to write.
Two of the girls and I were at music class on Saturday and Zoe received a Christmas Cracker from one of her classmates. I read the joke inside and immediately thought of Marisa and her sense of humour and the invitation to even write to share a joke.
So however inappropriate, here it goes…
“Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?”
“Because she couldn’t control her pupils!”
Thinking of you and your little ones.
December 24, 2007 at 3:13 pm
Kim Teeuwsen
Mendelt, Zion, Jacoba, Zekijah,
Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and we wish you much strength, courage, and peace in 2008.
We are honored to be part of your blog-family.
Take care.
With love,
The Teeuwsen’s
December 24, 2007 at 3:13 pm
Susanne
Oh, Mendelt,
Thank you for letting us be “part of the ride”.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your beautiful children.
There are no words to ease your family’s pain but know that we listen, we pray and we wait with you for shoots to spring forth.
May God’s love surround you all this Christmas.
Susanne
PS — I think Marisa will be playing at her most amazing concert of all this Christmas. I remember her thundering out the “Hallelujah Chorus” at a DCCS Christmas concert. All the children’s faces were shining and they raised their voices to match Marisa’s enthusiastic playing. I can’t imagine what it must be like to play for an angel chorus but I like to think that is what Marisa is doing right now.
December 24, 2007 at 3:24 pm
Teresa Wunsche (Miedema)
Still praying . . . and hoping that you make it through these next few days of busyness and sadness and loneliness and well-meant but empty platitudes.
Wishing you and your children and your families a blessed Christmas.
Teresa
December 24, 2007 at 3:37 pm
Angie Davis
I didnt know her, never met her………but she made a difference in my life.The upbeat attitude, the faith that never wavered……..I hear people preach it, but it is not tryly life changing until you see the ordinary person live it. And then that person becomes the extraordinary, yet you know that if she can do it with her head held high and a smile on her face, there is yet hope for yourself. So that is what Marisa gave me for Christmas.
December 24, 2007 at 5:17 pm
christina torch
i am so teary eyed reading this. the strength you have is so amazing.
merry christmas to you and your family, and marisa too. i am sure she is close by. 🙂
December 24, 2007 at 6:03 pm
Harriett
Hi Mendelt: You and the children have been very much on our minds and hearts and in our prayers this week. I can’t tell you that I know what it is like to lose a spouse, but I do know loss and what a first christmas is like without a dear one and my heart goes out to you. May God give you a blessed Christmas knowing he came to give us hope at times like this.
December 24, 2007 at 6:15 pm
Samantha Aantjes
Sending my most heartfelt Chrismas wishes, especially through the difficult times. I’m always praying…always,
love Sam
December 24, 2007 at 6:21 pm
Frances
I’m sorry that this is the yoke that you must bear. It sucks and it hurts. From the Messiah (and the Bible, of course): “He shall feed his flock like a shepherd, and He shall gather the lambs is His arms and gently lead those that are with young”.
Love and peace, Frances
December 24, 2007 at 6:36 pm
Paulette
I will never think of your family without Marisa being included. I am sorry she is not with you it does suck and it is painful, and I hate it for all of you. I will pray for you tomorrow, I will take time to think about all of you and I will pray for the hurt to be replaced with memories.
Blessings
December 24, 2007 at 6:45 pm
Karlyn
Mendelt, I do not know your family. I’ve only kept up with your lives the past few weeks through a link on another blog I follow.
My family will be praying for yours tonight, and each time the Lord brings you to mind.
I am thankful that your sweet wife knew the Lord. And I am thankful that you will find relief — if not now, then later — in knowing that, because of Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection, you will be able to see her again. Heaven must be so much sweeter to you now.
A sweet truth to cling to: “In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
A friend in the state of Arkansas, USA
December 24, 2007 at 8:47 pm
shell
A blessed Christmas to you and your family. You are in our thoughts.
December 24, 2007 at 9:29 pm
Ann @ Holy Experience
I have been praying for you all, each of you, often, this evening….
And will continue…
You are all loved… He carries you.
December 24, 2007 at 9:52 pm
Lyric
I’m a sjranger, yet a sojourner on this road of faith. I’ve been moved by your story will be praying for you and yours tomorrow and the days and weeks that lie ahead.
December 24, 2007 at 9:56 pm
Dina Vanderstelt Zomer
Praying constantly for Christ’s return.
December 24, 2007 at 10:18 pm
joanne
MY FIRST CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN
I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights like Heaven’s stars reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular– please wipe away the tear
For I’m spending Christmas with Jesus this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear But the sound of music can’t compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you the joys their voices bring
For it’s beyond description to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your hearts
But I am not so far away, we really aren’t apart.
So be happy for me dear ones, you know I hold you dear
And be glad I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I sent you each a special gift from my heavenly home above,
I sent you each a memory of my undying love.
After all love is a gift more precious than pure gold,
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other as our Father said to do,
For I can’t count the blessings of love He has for each of you.
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear.
Remember I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
Keeping you all in our prayers.
December 24, 2007 at 11:33 pm
carrie
You have so much to be proud of, Mendelt. We are thinking of you this Christmas season.
December 25, 2007 at 12:13 am
Robyn Lamb
I pray that you see Marisa all over tomorrow morning!
December 25, 2007 at 1:25 am
Grace & Norm
Thinking about you, Mendelt, this Christmas time with love!
December 25, 2007 at 12:26 pm
Susan G
I have been reading your blog but haven’t commented before. Your post struck me today because we are spending our first Christmas as a family of four instead of five. We lost our 7 year old son to cancer in july. You’re right it sucks!
December 25, 2007 at 12:56 pm
R&G
Hi Mendelt! Merry Christmas to you and your special children!
When you are used to have 5 in a family and you are down to four that must be so difficult! Thanks for sharing that with us! Really feel for you! And yet you try to be so positive with Marisa and the children through Christmas! May God continue to be with you thru this and give you hope especially with the promises of Christmas! You are very special to all of us! God Help you Mendelt in everyway! Love and prayers R&G
December 25, 2007 at 1:22 pm
Andrea O'Neill (Clark)
Mendelt,
I may have told you this already but I have never met you before. I knew Marisa in grade school and then she played the piano for me at my wedding but I haven’t spoken to her since then and that was 12 years ago. I live in California and keeping in touch with people long distance can be difficult. Anyway, I found out about Marisa last year when she was first diagnosed through my sister who goes to the VanderVeen’s church in Brantford. I started praying for her and telling everyone I knew to pray for her too and have followed your journey through this blog as well. Also writing to you and Marisa a few times. Well, I have to be honest and admit that when Marisa died I was very angry with God. In fact, I couldn’t even bring myself to go to church the following Sunday because for one, I couldn’t stop crying and I really didn’t feel like praising Him. I asked “what happened to the power of prayer?” I don’t know anyone else who had so many people praying for them as Marisa had. I wasn’t totally abandoning God but he certainly wasn’t my favourite being for awhile there. Well, it is you and your unconditional faith and love of Jesus that has made me realize that I can’t continue to feel this way about Him. I read your blog all the time and I am in awe of your faith and only wish I could be that strong. I mean, you are the one that has lost your wife and you still praise the Lord with such love. It’s awesome. Thankyou so much for being such an outstanding example of what it means to walk with Jesus and unknowingly help me try to walk closer to him as well.
Praying again,
Andrea
December 25, 2007 at 4:17 pm
Karen Misek
Mendelt, I do not know you nor did I know Marisa but I have been following your blog and my heart is with your family. Everynight my daughter and I say a prayer for you and your kids, that God may be a comfort to you.
I know you know that God is with you but so is the pain and it takes awhile for that pain to fade.
God is faithful and he is faithful to bring joy out of pain, I know this personally and I can assure you that this is true. We won’t know until we meet Him face to face what His reasons were for taking such precious people from our lives.
May you feel His love and Joy this Christmas.
December 25, 2007 at 6:16 pm
Al, Linda & Sammy
Thank you for continuing to share your journey with us. We think of you often and pray. May the peace that passes all understanding be with you tonight.
December 25, 2007 at 7:12 pm
Leona and Rusty
Merry Christmas Mendelt
God’s Love and Peace,
Leona and Rusty
December 25, 2007 at 8:15 pm
Helena
Another stranger praying for you and your children. When I think of my own losses this year, the Lord often brings to mind yours ( I have been following your blog). May He sustain you in all things, each hour of every difficult day!
December 25, 2007 at 9:07 pm
Annette and Rob Schreuders
Dear Mendelt,
I received a Max Lucado book for Christmas.
It’s called “3:16 The Numbers of Hope”
May you (and all of us who loved Marisa and love you) feel the Hope of Jesus, the Reason for this season, if not today then soon.
–please read the verse several times, very slowly…..
“For GOD so LOVED the world that HE GAVE His ONE and ONLY Son that whoever believes in HIM, shall NOT perish but have eternal LIFE.”
He loves. He gave. We believe. We live. We have hope.
December 25, 2007 at 9:40 pm
Annelies de Groot-Dröge
Merry Christmas to you, Mendelt and to each of your beautiful children.
Thanks be to God for the miracle of Christmas. May He carry the four of
you, always.
December 25, 2007 at 10:18 pm
Dani Bless
thought of you lots today Mendelt. hope you were able to spend some quality time with family and feel Marisa’s loving presence around you today.
December 25, 2007 at 11:37 pm
Nancy McKinley-Diakiw
How amazing it is that you have your faith in Christ to carry you through this and how sad it is for other suffering people when they don’t know Him. It must have been truly heartbreaking to take her present back. At least we do know that she did receive the best Christmas present anyone could ask for – eternal life; and boy, she must be enjoying it!!!!! Although it makes me so sad with you to read what you’re going through, it blesses me to feel your strength and courage through this blog. I feel stupid saying “Merry Christmas” but I will say back to you what you wrote to us…I do pray you have a blessed Christmas.
Nancy
December 26, 2007 at 12:57 am
Koornneef's
Blessings to you this Christmas Mendelt, & your Children.
You are in our thoughts daily. May his loving arms surround you.
WOW! Marisa is celebrating with Jesus tonight.
May God grant you Peace, this holiday season.
December 26, 2007 at 6:14 pm
Roads
As I write now, Christmas is behind us. The prospect sucked, but you made it through.
That’s a great achievement. Well done to all of you. Best wishes to you and your family, from here in London.
December 26, 2007 at 10:47 pm
j&j
marisa is definitely rocking around the christmas tree this year.
mendelt, you have so much to be proud of.
your kids are three of my favourite people on this earth..
zions energy and persistance..
jacobas beauty and honesty..
zekijahs smarts and sneakiness..
you are their best friend.
they are lucky to spend christmas with their best friend.
peace and so much love** mendelt.
see you soon.
jen&jar
December 26, 2007 at 10:58 pm
Ashleigh Zandbergen
May our Lord continue to surround and embrace you and your precious little ones. You remain in our thoughts and prayers. Your journey is a source of encouragement to so many. Please keep sharing.
Carol & Ashleigh
December 27, 2007 at 12:16 am
Diane Bakker
Dear Mendelt,
I am amazed that you can write the phrase, ‘the hurt eases’ and yet I know that it is in Christ’s strength that those words are said, once again thank you for the testimony of faith that you share with your blog family, it increases our faith!!
I pray that Christmas in its own way brings joy to you and your children.
In His Grip
Diane
December 27, 2007 at 1:21 pm
Kim Reitsma-VanHaitsma
SO many things make me think of you and the kids….
My nephew Avery, who is the same age as Zion, wakes up every morning and yells, “MUMMMMY!” while still in his bed. He gets very concerned, days before my sister has to leave on a business trip, even though his dad will be home the whole time. Hey, he LOVES his mom.. he even wanted to marry her at one point, until he realized she was already married….
I guess what I’m saying, is that I can’t begin to fathom the sadness and heartache of life without Marisa. And I know YOU know how many of us are praying for you.. but we will continue to remind you anyway.
December 27, 2007 at 2:35 pm
Samantha Pellegrino
Peaceful Christmas to your family. Praying for shoots…
Sam and JP
December 27, 2007 at 2:39 pm
Laura
Mendelt, I want to thank you for sharing your and Marisa’s journey with us over the last year and for continuing to share with us.
You both have been an inspiration to me and have made me ask myself some difficult questions. Good questions. Questions to which I must find my own answer. I believe I am getting closer to my answer and, truthfully, it is thanks to you and Marisa.
Please do continue to share and know that you and your dear children are thought of daily.
December 27, 2007 at 6:56 pm
Anna
I don’t know any of you, but I just came across this blog and I want you to know that I have prayed for you, that you would know God’s comfort during this incredibly difficult time.
December 28, 2007 at 8:35 pm
Episcopollyanna
I am so sorry for your loss. When my first husband died, that holiday season was so hard. You are all in my prayers and I think of you often, even though we’ve never met.
December 28, 2007 at 11:25 pm
oldqueen44
I am very sorry for your loss. I was 12 when my mother died and I have very few memories of her. I would like to extend a suggestion to you on behalf of the children. If they are old enough to write, or maybe you could write what they tell you, have them write little letters to themselves about their mother. When they are older they will cherish reading these and knowing how they felt and how close they were to their mother.
As a husband, I am very sorry for you. I will pray for your comfort and endurance in raising your children.
January 1, 2008 at 10:47 pm
friend of a friend
When i was 6, my older brother died of leukemia a few days before easter.
his death still only 2 days before, my mother went to the store to buy a few treats for us for our easter baskets, to try to make things as normal as possible for me, my sister and other brother.
the cashier looked at my mom’s purchases, and made a perfectly innocent comment, “Three of everything, you must have three kids!”
My mom left the store weeping.
It’s okay to miss someone this much.