Your comments and the e-mails I’ve received have caused me to read over my last post (co-exist) a number of times.

The tone I wanted to portray was more of truth than torment.

It is just questions, facts, honesty and having nearly no filter between my brain and my mouth/fingers that create these posts.  I think these are things that I think most people would feel if they were near my situation and were honest about it. Sometimes these posts may surprise you with my honesty but as I’ve said before in my post, suffering shoves the truth in our face.  

And when the truth is shoved in our face, it is then that you find you can find your maker.

I still have much torment, but I also have much joy.  Just last night, our three year old daughter called for me in a frantic voice to her be at 3:38 A.M.  I came running.  She looked at me and said,

“Heit (dad), how does a fox get on a ship?”

I told her that I wasn’t sure how that stuff happens.  She accepted that answer and fell back asleep while I rubbed her arm.  I then sat there looking at our beautiful three year old daughter and thought of when I held Marisa while she took her last earthly breaths.  The moment was a marriage of joy and torment. 

It was pain and hope co-existing.

Thanks for sticking with me, 

MdH 

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