The truth is that we don’t think about Marisa all the time.
The days are too busy for that. Zion needs to learn and read, Jacoba needs to show me her endless amounts of headstands, Zekijah needs to carve her space in the family and I need to focus on them while they do these things.
But when I think about Marisa after a time of not thinking about her, I’m reinjured all over again. And it is not because of the actual wound but also that I keep thinking about being wounded and that I don’t know what to do with this wound.
Wounds. The world has wounds. I have wounds. So do you. We all do.
So did Jesus. And by His wounds, we are healed.
Heal us.
Please.
MdH
Life 
25 comments
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March 18, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Annette and Rob Schreuders
Amen
March 18, 2008 at 8:03 pm
little havana
during my darkest days of divorce 2 years ago, i’d wake in the middle of the night and the new, cruel reality would come crashing in: “you [the person i planned to spend my life with] are not here with me,” i’d realize with a jolt. i’d remember the new reality. and my heart would break over and over again.
this is grief, the remembering and the breaking over and over again.
wishing you strength and courage.
March 18, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Roads
I laughed about those headstands, Mendelt. That’s a great line.
Humour helps the healing, if you can find it. You’ve done well to find some lightness there, even just a little.
More will follow, before too long.
March 18, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Susanne
Yes, Lord. Heal us all.
Please bring healing to your precious son, Mendelt. Bring healing to Mendelt and Marisa’s and Your precious children: Zion, Jacoba and Zekijah.
Our hearts cry out for your healing water to pour over this family who grieves and mourns for a wife, a mother.
How long, Oh Lord? How Long?
March 19, 2008 at 9:19 am
Samantha Pellegrino
Amen…Easter is coming!!!!!!!!!!
March 19, 2008 at 10:34 am
Margaret Van der Meulen (Van der Veen)
Praying that your wounds may be healed.
So good to know that you are focused on your children and their well-being. You are a great dad!
March 19, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Kristy
Funny, isn’t it, how busy-ness in life can distract us from the “work” that needs to be done sometimes?
Sometimes we need that distraction…and sometimes we need the “work” of grieving…
There is a time for each…
Funny thing about wounds, too. I am a nurse. I’ve seen a lot of wounds. God made our bodies with this amazing capacity to heal. Most wounds just need to be kept clean, and they heal “all by themselves”. Of course we know who *really* does the healing…
I think our tears might be washing our wounds, Mendelt.
I hope today you feel more joy than pain…
Kristy
March 19, 2008 at 7:21 pm
Dan VandenAkker
Mendelt,
I remember the day you showed up at the front door of my parents place pretty banged up and bleeding from a fall off your bike. My mom took you to our kitchen sink and as she was cleaning you up you looked at me and said, “It hurts Dan!” I think my reply was something like “I know I’ve fallen off a bike before.”
Today I can’t even begin to imagine how much it must hurt. I wish these wounds could simply be taken care of at the kitchen sink again, but I know that they can’t. In our study Bible in the notes from the book of Job it says, “Recognize that in a sinful world, both good and evil people will suffer. But the good person has a promise from God that his or her suffering will one day come to an end.” I know that you are a good person and I pray that God will heal your injuries and end your suffering soon.
Dan
March 19, 2008 at 8:58 pm
shell
Some wounds are bigger than others. Some wounds take more time to heal than others. Some wounds keep breaking open and need more patience and care.
All wounds heal. Some leave scars as constant reminders. Not always a bad thing. I have many little scars. Some have taught me some very valuable lessons. Every time I open up this blog it is like reopening the wound. I didn’t know Marisa, but I feel your pain and suffering. I feel your pain and suffering but I also learn everytime I read your blog. I learn that I often don’t have words to help you or to help me feel like I am helping you.
I do know that whenever I open the blog I think of you, Marisa and the kids and this makes me thankful and more appreciative for what I have Therefore, in my eyes (be they ever so selfish), this wound and eventually this scar will fade and not be as noticable, but it has taught so many so many valuable lessons.
Thank you and I wish you peace.
shell
March 19, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Randy DeBoer
May His healing hand be upon you and your children Mendelt.
March 20, 2008 at 12:16 am
Frances
“Time heals all wounds”, right? Well, if “time” is so great, then why does “time” mock us so – Marisa didn’t get enough time on this earth, and the kids didn’t get enough time with their mother on this earth, and you didn’t spend enough of the time with Marisa that you wanted.
(Stupid time.)
God heals all wounds. In His time.
PS/ As it is now March 20th, I am reminded how glad I am that you were borned.
March 20, 2008 at 7:41 am
MVG
Mendelt,
This experience seems to be drawing you, and many of us, closer to what is real, to what is important, to the things that have true value.
Let me also wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! We’ll call later with our regular rousing rendition of the birthday song!
We love you.
Matt (and E and G too)
March 20, 2008 at 8:03 am
Rose Tamming
Zion, Jacoba and Zekijah…Hartelijk gefeliciteerd met Heit’s verjaardag!
Happy Birthday, Mendelt…here’s wishing you a year of more healing, new beginnings, delightful little people soccer games, more ever-amazing headstands, wonderful stories, many “warmer-upper hugs” from lil Z…wishing you much love and laughter with friends and family…
Love and peace.
Rose
March 20, 2008 at 9:03 am
Karen Misek
3 and a half years ago I buried my baby girl, I didn’t think my wounds would ever ever heal, I didn’t think I would ever feel normal again. But here I am, and I do feel normal again, I don’t feel guilt when I laugh, I don’t feel guilt when a day goes by and I’m not consumed with thoughts of her. My wounds are healed…. but the scar is still there.
At that dark time in my life I came across a song by Brian Doerksen that comforted me. Here it is:
Psalm 13
How long oh Lord will you forget me
How long oh Lord
Will you look the other way
How long oh Lord
Must I wrestle with these thoughts
And every day
Have such sorrow in my heart
Look on me and answer
Oh God my Father
Bring light to my darkness
Before they see me fall
But I trust in your unfailing love
Yes my heart will rejoice
Still I sing of your unfailing love
You have been good
You will be good to me
March 20, 2008 at 9:29 am
Mem Hoekstra
34 years you were born, it was the first day of Spring.
It became forever Spring in our lives, because of you.
Have a blessed and peace-filled birthday, dearest Mendelt
March 20, 2008 at 10:35 am
Samantha Pellegrino
Happy Birthday Mendelt. Peace and Blessings and that sweet tradition of Congratulations to your Mom and Day. I just pray for a simple peace that washes over you like the Spring rain. And that the Sonshine continues to heal what needs healing. I pray your kids bless you today and all that is new or changed is softened today. I pray your joy comes quickly. Happy Birthday.
March 20, 2008 at 11:15 am
Veronica
Amen!
Blessed birthday to you!
March 20, 2008 at 11:31 am
Anita Lubbers
A sincere Happy Birthday to you Mendelt. May you be blessed on this day in whatever way you may be celebrating.
March 20, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Julie Vos
Dear Mendelt,
Happy Birthday! I was just reading the comments from this post and I’m thankful I did, for now I know that today is your birthday 🙂
I pray that you will have a wonderful day today with your children, family and friends! May it be a day filled with laughter and hope for a new year to come.
Mendelt, may you feel God washing your wounds, healing them and strengthening you. May you feel so incredibly close to Him and source all strength from His love and His care. He has you in the grip of His Hand!
Love, Julie
March 20, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Heather Maat
Praying for healing, blessings and joy on your birthday.
March 20, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Yvonne and Terry Veldboom
Hi Mendelt, wishing you a wonderful birthday!
Always praying. yv
March 20, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Jill Blankestijn
Dear Mendelt,
I write to you as as sister in Christ, a fellow believer! My family prays for you and your family at EVERY remembrance of you!
I cry with you and your family as I understand your loss, 32 years ago my Dad, my sister (5yrs. old) and myself (2yrs. old) lost our Mom to Leukemia.
Life has gone on and we have grown up, and yes, healing does take place, in time…..easy???no….
This July 2007 I was diagnosed with Stage 2 brain cancer and am undergoing my 8th month of Chemotherapy. I am so blessed to have a wonderful husband for support (exactly as I could see through your blogs that you have been to Marisa!!!!) and 4 beautiful children ages 9,7,4, and 2….my point is not to give you my story but to tell you that every time WE as a family think about OUR struggles we are reminded to pray for your family!!!!!
So looking forward to the day when we all meet in Heaven!!!!!!
March 20, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Kim Teeuwsen
Happy birthday Mendelt,
Hope you and your kids have a fun day together.
Our thoughts and prayers continue for you and your kids.
God bless.
Love,
Kim, Dennis, and kids
March 20, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Michelle Van Zeumeren
Mendalt,
Wishing you a blessed birthday today with your 3 children and your family.
May you feel your wife shining down on you today as well.
I hope your children shower you with hugs and kisses today especially!!!
March 20, 2008 at 9:14 pm
Leona and Rusty
Congratulations with your father’s birthday, little Hoekstras!Happy Birthday, Mendelt!
Miss you!
Love the people who write comments on your blog!
Peace and Love
Leona (and Rusty)