It was just a bottle of bleach.
And it was everything besides the bottle of bleach.
I was going to soak the kid’s bath toys and went to the closet for the bleach. Then I remembered when Marisa and I bought that bottle of bleach. The story is funny, interesting and unimportant.
I was overcome. I felt flushed. Besieged. Weighed down. Assaulted.
Which goes to show that all at once, my world can overwhelm me.
MdH
Life 
13 comments
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April 15, 2008 at 9:23 am
Mark & Laura Bassie
It’s amazing how one thing can suddenly cause a flood of emotion and easily overwhelm. But, memories are so precious.
When she was alive, I used to talk to my Oma almost every day and share “kid” stories with her. She would laugh and treasure those stories and our conversations as would I. Life got busier, Oma weaker and moved to a nursing home and we ended up talking less, but were still blessed with many conversations and visits. When Connor fractured his wrist a couple of weeks ago and when Summer was injured at school a few weeks before that, the flood came . . . There was something so strong within that made me want to pick up the phone and call Oma to tell her all about our adventures and it hit me hard . . . . she’s not there anymore. That’s “Oma”. I can only imagine how it would be if it was my spouse who wasn’t there.
Mendelt, I’m praying that God will give you the strength to climb the mountain of “Overwhelm” and that His peace and presence will bring you much comfort.
Blessings,
Laura
April 15, 2008 at 9:31 am
Diane Bakker
I pray for Gods loving arms to also overwhelm you
You are in His Grip
Diane
April 15, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Sonya
Those “sucker-punches” must be so difficult – it’s just that you don’t see them coming at all. I’m sure the rawness of that moment has passed, however, we’re still praying for continued strength for you to get back up and carry on in your world – each and every time.
April 15, 2008 at 6:17 pm
Harriett
Hi Mendelt – Just wanted you to know that you and your family are still in our prayers and in our thoughts. I check the blog every now and then to see how you are doing. When you feel weighed down, I remember and I sympathize although I cannot fully comprehend the weight or the sorrow having never been touched quite as closely as you have been. May God continue to hold you and your little ones always and to give you strength when those memories and the sorrow assaults you. Remeber too that there are still many who continue to interevene for you in our prayers. I hope that gives you some strength too!
April 16, 2008 at 9:54 am
Samantha Pellegrino
Its amazing how white bleach can really get something…naked white. Painful, glaring white. Imagine Jesus white…the ultimate bleach.
April 16, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Reny Kranendonk-Malley
Mendelt,
Don’t be afraid of your reflections and how petty they may seem to the rest of us. It’s amazing how simple grocery items (Ice-Cream, Bleach etc..) can remind you of certain events or fun times with Marisa. Embrace them, reflect, remember and feel. I can’t imagine how tough your days are, maybe you feel as though you’re forgetting Marisa (I obviously don’t mean that in a bad sense)? She is with you and God is with you. We are all still praying for you and your family.
Thanks for sharing and being ‘Real’ once again.
Take Care,
God Bless,
Reny:)
April 16, 2008 at 6:56 pm
sherri
Mendelt
Tough moments. Still here, still reading. When I seemed to get overwhelmed and take a moment to reflect, your situation comes to mind then I get a little perspective.
Sherri d
April 17, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Julie Vos
Hi Mendelt,
I thought of you yesterday while I was cleaning up breakfast dishes. I said a prayer for you asking God to grant you strength to face a new day. I can be doing the most random task and then I think of you and your children. I’m glad that you come to mind in many situations because then I am reminded to pray for you.
Thank you for continuing to share with us – stories about your children and stories about you. Your entries are precious and put together with such care and thought.
May you feel God’s loving arms around you when you feel overwhelmed and discouraged.
We continue to pray for you and support you, Mendelt.
Love, Julie
April 17, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Rose
It’s been 4 years this past weekend that my dad past away. There are many moments such as these, that I still get that overwhelming feeling over something so small–a song, a laugh, a pair of vicegrips–sometimes it’s the small things that hit you the most. Cherish the memories, I know I do with all my heart.
Thinking of you often,
lots of love, Rose
April 17, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Jessica
Mendelt,
I just wanted to let you know that we are also still keeping up on your blog and are often touched and/or inspired by it. The bleach post just captures so much about what life after loss must be like. The daily reminders, even in the mundane, of what has changed and what is missing. Thank you for being so fearless in your testimony, for sharing your feelings, struggles and faith. I know that it encourages me and I am sure that it gives strength and courage to many others. Know that we continue to lift you and your kids up in prayer to the Great Provider, Protector, Comforter, All in All. May He give you the strength and courage for each day. Shalom.
Love Jessica VB
April 18, 2008 at 12:48 am
cathyb
Mendelt,
It is almost always the little, every day things that unglue you the most. Maybe because there are so darn many of them. Perhaps Marisa was sending you a message of some sort…”message in a bottle”…bleach bottle but still. Maybe?
it’s hard Mendelt, it is very very hard. Praying for you.
Cathyb
http://www.lessonsfromlou.blogspot.com
April 18, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Julie
Hi again…I have been following your blog for some time now. I don’t know your family personally but found it very inspiring to read. I read it but could not truly relate to the whole idea of having someone close to me die of cancer.
Sadly now I do. My dad has been sick for only the past 7 weeks…he is 57 and last Thursday he was diagnosed with esophageal cancer which has metastasized to his liver. He spent only 8 days in the hospital and this past Tuesday he was brought to my home so he can die peacefully. He is in the final stages.
This has been the most emotional journey I have ever been on…and I have only been involved for 3 weeks as did not know he was sick before than. I am a 35 year old married mom of three young kids who in a matter of three weeks is losing her father.
Unfortunately I do not have as strong a sense of faith that you do, but I am dealing with it…I figure that if you can lose a wife and the mother of your children than I can find the strength to say good bye to my father…Thank you for your help, even when you don’t realize you are offering it…and to a stranger at that!
April 28, 2008 at 8:27 am
Ann @ Holy Experience
Read this, and thought of you, Mendelt:
What Came to Me
I took the last
dusty piece of china
out of the barrel.
It was your gravy boat,
with a hard, brown
drop of gravy still
on the porcelain lip.
I grieved for you then
as I never had before.
-Jane Kenyon