angle 1)

Did it really happen? Did Marisa really get cancer? Did She really die? Isn’t She just coming back? Is She really, really dead? On December 6 did I really have to come home to a 5,3 and 1 year old to tell them that their Mom died? Did I really take that understandable punch in the face from Zion? Is it possible that I am able to shepherd three children by myself? Is this a joke? Is this a nightmare? Do I really go to sleep every night by myself?

Angle 2)

Did I really marry an angel that produced three more? Did Jacoba really say to me that she is going to be a joker when she grows up? Did Zion really eat his vegetables at someone else’s house without a big drama? Did Zekijah really call my name, my name, from her crib to comfort her? Do I really get to beam with pride when someone asks the girls who did their hair?

At the end of the day, life is beautiful or ugly.  It depends from what angle you look.  Sometimes I have those frightening, crazy ‘how did I get here’ moments but those are fairly easily redirected when I look at the kids and our situation from another angle.

Last night before the kids went to bed, we all sat in Zion’s bed and read a great book “What Dad’s can’t do” (It’s not what you might think, it sings the goodness of fathers).  After the book was done, all three kids were lying on my chest and we sang a song.  In four part harmony.  Not neccesarily the clean Ionian mode that many of us are familiar with, but still harmony.

After the song, we had a group hug and I was shown something from the angle I was seeing,

My whole world fits in my arms.