Loss isn’t a single event.

It is a series of rememberings, reminders and marked milestones.

Marisa’s death is surely like that.  Marisa’s death isn’t only December 6, 2007.

It is…

02 – July two, the day Marisa said yes to me beside Beaver Lake in Stanley Park, Vancouver.

20 – December twenty, the day of diagnosis.

The entire season of late fall.  I wonder if late fall will always be Marisa to me.

30 – August thirty, the news that Marisa wouldn’t live till Christmas.

70 – The amount of money for a seasons pass to all the Conservation Area’s in Niagara.  Hiking with four.

12 – June twelve, our wedding anniversary.  We will have always been married nine-and-a-half years.

11, 13, 29 – The days of Zekijah, Jacoba and Zion’s birthday.

1 – The first of anything without Marisa.

20 and 08 – The days of our birthdays.  While I may continue to grow in years, Marisa will stay 33 to me.

It is a lot of math.