Today was my first encounter at an agency wide event. I saw many colleagues that I hadn’t seen since Marisa died. I was publicly welcomed back to work and that announcement even set off an applause.
Breathe Mendelt. They are all looking at you.
The fact is that I am used to people looking at me. Being a musician and performer, I have been watched by thousands of people at a time. But this time it was different.
They were looking at me as the new Mendelt. I could see their faces. It was a different look.
I spoke to many afterwards. Most of them asked about the kids. It is less emotional that way. Sometimes I answer the question in detail/truth. Sometimes I don’t spend the emotional energy to get into it.
The truth is the kids are getting older and thus their questions of Marisa are deeper than they once were. They miss Marisa. It is hard for me to watch the kids grow older. Zion is a great reader now. Marisa didn’t know Zion as a reader. The day in and day out of single parenting is both exhausting and rewarding. I experience some regret everyday when I drop off Zekijah before I go to work.
But the real answer of “how are the kids” is….I don’t know.
I don’t know that Jacoba feels protected. I don’t know that Zion feels happy. I don’t know that Zekijah doesn’t feel abandoned when she goes to 4 different houses in 5 days. The kids seem like they are doing well. But I don’t really know yet.
Zion and Zekijah played rock/paper/scissors today and they both put out a rock and then Zion quickly switched his to scissors so Zekijah would win. Maybe that is a sign.
Peace to you,
Mendelt
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April 9, 2009 at 7:07 am
Mem Hoekstra
Yesterday at the breakfast table Zion asked his little sister: “Zekijah do you love Jesus?” Zekijah answered emphatically: “NO”. Of course when you are two and a half, it is your job to disagree at times. Zion was taken aback and asked again: “Zekijah, do you love Jesus, cause that is where Mommy is”. Zekijah answered: “Mommy is with GOD”.
Then Zion said: “Zekijah if you love Jesus And God, you will see Mommy when you go to Heaven”. “Okay” said Zekijah.
Trinity Theology is a mystery for all of us.
Later that day she said to me “Beppe, do you know that Jesus got Zacchaeus out of the sycamore tree?” The children are loved by so many, what a great blessing for you and us.
All my love, Mem
April 9, 2009 at 11:32 am
sherri deGraaf
It is good to hear from you Mendelt.
Love and peace to you and your family this Easter.
sherri
April 9, 2009 at 9:16 pm
Christina
Yes, welcome back to work Mendalt, its great to see you back. I hear ya on the single parent thing. As the parent we feel guilty that we want something (someone) more for them. But we go day to day giving it our best shot and thats all you can do. I am sure your kids are happy, feel loved and know you protect them with all you have. Your a great and talented father. Keep on Shineing….. and thanks for the silver star. 🙂
April 10, 2009 at 1:57 am
cathyb
Ah Mendelt,
I am quite sure that the kids are doing well, more than well. They are doing well because they have an amazing father who loves them so very much. That is for sure. And that is what matters.
Hoping the newness of spring refreshes you and brings you peace.
Cathyb
http://www.lessonsfromlou.blogspot.com
April 10, 2009 at 8:37 am
Kim
I wanted to tell you about something I found from my childhood. It was an old book of random stories I had written in Grade 2. I went to BCS, where we had only 8 kids in our class, and Marisa was one of them.
One of the stories was about Marisa’s birthday party. I was very VERY excited.. which was evident by my overuse of exclamation points. “We are going to have cake! And give Marisa presents! And go to a play! But Marisa told us NOT to wear dresses.”
April 12, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Roads
You worry about whether the kids are really doing well. And because you worry, I’m certain that they really are.
Happy Easter to you all, from (the other) London.
May 26, 2009 at 9:00 am
R&G
You are truly amazing! I think you need to know this! You are sooo great with your kids and yet you still wonder in soo many ways of how they are with all the concerns. Pray that you know that God will be with you and help you and your children in everyway and in everyday. Love and Prayers R&G!